As the Wise Gentlemen of Whitesnake Once said, "Here I Go Again On My Own"

With just about two weeks left (16 days, but who’s counting…) before taking flight to what will seem like an entirely different world, I have had to say a lot of good byes. Most of the time, the emotions that come with good byes hit me immediately after I say them and stay with me for days; other times, these emotions come before the good bye even takes place. I’ve had to bid farewells before , but nothing has been this emotionally draining and saddening as this. And it’s like this for a number of reasons: I’ll be in a third world country, void of so many familiarities yet chock full of sensory overloads and challenging situations, and it will be much more difficult to stay in touch with loved ones at home. But I think the most substantial reason for such overpowering feelings of grief is that I’m leaving a lot of meaningful people—the most meaningful people I have ever had in my life. It’s just as much a sentiment of loss as it is a sentiment of sadness. I have felt in the past few weeks that I am sacrificing friendships and close relationships by making this move in my life. And it causes such dissonance, wanting to jump head first into this new adventure that awaits me while emotionally beating myself up over the thought of potentially losing those who are dearest to me now. Relationships have always been of utmost importance, and yet with every good bye I have to wonder whether it’s worth leaving behind. And it scares me. It scares me that I'm leaving something that I can never have with that person again.

After a lot of reflection and talks with close friends, I see now that—no matter where I ended up after college—similar thoughts and feelings would follow. I was so used to being surrounded by loved ones in the past four years, whether at home or at college, that I failed to realize we’re all going through some serious changes right now. I have friends all along the east coast, west coast, mid-west, Europe, Africa, Asia—and no matter where we end up we have no choice but to deal with feelings of separation and disconnectedness. That’s part of the real world; I guess I was a bit too naïve and oblivious to realize it until it whacked me upside the head.

And part of existing in the real world—for me at least—is to maintain connectedness in spite of such great distances. People change, jobs change, location changes, but relationships can still be embraced despite these changes.

We’re all walking along a “lonely street of dreams.” We just need a little wifi and some cell reception every now and then.

Thank You! Or Should I Say, ' Merci ! '

Since contacting friends and loved ones, I have gotten an abundance of love and encouragement in return--and I am so grateful and honored to have such supportive people in my life. Since accepting my invitation, I have already began to feel alone knowing that I will be so distant and isolated from the people who have been near and dear to me. But reading your messages, emails, and talking with you has helped me realize that distance cannot destroy that closeness. So merci boucoup!

Another reason I am feeling rather thankful is this: about two weeks ago, I heard of many Peace Corps nominees (many of which were nominated for the same time frame as me) were sent an email. In a nutshell, this email said "Hey! So, uhh, ya know how we nominated you for September? Well, that's not gonna work out. And we only invite about 300 people between October and December, so you'll be considered for programs between January and June of 2009." 2009?! Really?! I nearly fell out of my chair reading about this, because I'm sure I would have received that same email had I not been persistent with my Placement Officer. I feel terrible for those who have to wait that long. I also feel terrible for Peace Corps, because the ONLY reason that email (while not exactly the most tasteful of emails) was because of budget cuts. Every year, more people apply to Peace Corps; and in the past several years, Peace Corps has had to make more and more program cuts, causing greater competition and a greater number of qualified, committed people turned down. I hope everyone who received that email gets placed next year, and I'm feeling even MORE grateful for having a timely placement!

So in the past several weeks I've been teaching myself French (can't you tell?!), studying for the GREs which I'm taking on Thursday (and which my success seems more like a shot in the dark than a measure of skill or intelligence), and starting to gear up for Burkina living conditions.
I've already bought: a pack (one of those big backpacks you typically see people take when they go backpacking through Europe), some conservative dress clothes (Despite the ridiculously hot temperatures and abundance of dust in Burkina Faso, the Burkinabe people place a great deal of emphasis on appropriate dress....that means everything must fall BELOW the knee), a "Bug hut" (I don't know what most Americans consider"hot nights" to be, but in BF it will consist of sleeping OUTSIDE because of ungodly hot temperatures inside...so this tent will protect me from hungry mosquitoes), some shoes, wicking athletic clothes, an ipod shuffle, and I'm currently look into a solar charger for batteries and small electronics. If you're interested in checking out a suggested packing list for BF, here's the link: http://www.peacecorpswiki.org/Packing_list_for_Burkina_Faso

What's crazy is that I have more than a month to prepare for all this, and yet there is so much left to do. And what's even more overwhelming is that I just want to sit, relax, and enjoy Western life and friends and family. Thinking about it though, I'd rather be under prepared in terms of gear than miss out on chances to spend time with people.